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Concepts from "Communications and Relationships"

Life Force vs. Lifestyle Energy

     A concept I've borrowed from Hans  Selye, the Canadian stress researcher, is his idea of life force energy. I believe that he means there is a source of energy that comes from within every living body. However, this source of energy is finite in that just so much of it is available to us, and when we use it up we get very sick, often give up and die.

Finding Your Voice

My client was very timid. For the longest time, she wouldn’t look me in the eye and her voice lacked emotion. Most of her conversation was made up of questions instead of statements, and even then, for every question she asked, she immediately apologized. Later, I heard about the past abuse in her life. She said that she was “fed up being a doormat”. She wanted to change and get more out of life. She had learned early on that the only way to survive in her family was to be passive. Any other way was seen as a “smart mouth” and punishable.


Men and women are different! It doesn’t matter what these differences are based on—gender or personality—or where they come from. What does matter is that we recognise that men and women often have differing views on most issues.  Couples need exceptional communication skills to move past the differences between them. Unfortunately, few people possess these skills, and even fewer understand the need for them.

Conscious vs. Automatic

I don't trust myself, and others even less, when it comes to automatically making good lifestyle choices.
I believe people store messages on their brain computers that cause them to make automatic choices that may be detrimental to their health:
•   work until the job is done, then you can play
•   if you want something done, do it yourself
•   if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well -  all the


       The theme for several sessions with a client was, "I can't really do anything to help myself because I am depressed". I believe that if you change behaviour, most often the feelings will catch up. Do something different and see what happens to the feelings.
      As a result of this discussion about change and doing something different came a new slant - the concept of Better. We need to work on making things better, or they get worse!

Anger and Assumptions

A client relayed a recent experience in which he was cooperating on an important work project with an individual whom he felt was a “bit of a slacker”. Whenever this individual heard the phone ringing in the adjoining office, he immediately jumped up to answer it. My client assumed that the individual was using the ringing telephone as an excuse to get out of work, and he became very angry, uttering a few expletives under his breath.

After the Affair

You don’t get past an affair. You work through it!

My client was having a very difficult time with the fact that her significant other had had an affair. A “one-night stand” that happened sometime in the spring. She felt betrayed and, contrary to his preference, thought it was far too soon to just “drop it and move on”. There was more penance that remained to be served before she could put the issue behind her.