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When I first introduced the Backyard concept, my understanding of it was rather narrow and somewhat sexist. I restricted the concept to merely “doings” and not “feelings”. I focused on: She – sewing, visiting, working out; He – golfing, working on his car, playing pool; Ours – working on the house together, vacations, visiting. Consequently, I missed stating the most important message inherent in this concept.

Activities are good and we need them to have a full life. However, it is now my understanding that it takes more than activities to keep a relationship “on track” and healthy. The real key is the attitude each partner has about working hard at enhancing the other partner’s life.

It’s not just how many activities you do together, but your attitudes toward each other. It is your individual willingness to put energy into the relationship, to enhance your partner’s life, to provide what the other needs, to be personally fulfilled, and My Backyard Our Backyard Your Backyard 48 to see that you both get what you need to feel loved and cared about. And to do so in a spirit that says to your partner, “You are Number One in my life.”

It is important that we ask daily what we can both do to make each other’s lives better, and then keep that thought foremost on our minds.*

“Doing” things and having fun together is what makes a relationship worthwhile—today! Exhibiting a “positive spirited attitude” toward one’s partner is the long-term glue that keeps the relationship together—over time!


* I believe that both partners have to work equally hard at the relationship. However, if things get off track and one partner needs to step up and reach out, I do feel that in most cases it should be the male who considers this behaviour. I know I am in trouble with the males, but being one, I have some insight into this matter. Consequently, I base my decision on the fact that most of the time—but not always, and I certainly will stand corrected on a case by case basis—it is the men who find themselves disproportionately represented on the “self-centred” side of the continuum. Besides, somebody has to set the ball rolling in a positive direction, so why not the men!