Significant Moments

Significant Moments

“We don’t have time for us anymore!” “We are too busy—work, kids, the house, we just survive.”

This is what I often hear when I suggest to couples that they need to set aside more time for each other. I suggest that they not only do “stuff” together, like fun and relaxing activities, but they have enough energy at the end of the work day to truly enjoy activities so it doesn’t feel like more work. Time is a very precious commodity in today’s frantic lifestyle. But if relationships are to thrive and not just survive—many aren’t even doing that—then we need to make time for each other. Because of the lack of time for togetherness, I suggest to my clients that they use what time they do have together more efficiently. You may have only a short period of time to spend with your partner before you gulp down supper and rush to get one kid to ballet and the other to soccer. But I ask them to think of the impact it would have on their relationship if they used even these short periods of time to share and show concern to each other. To look them in the eyes, maybe touch their shoulder, stand close to them, and create a significant moment in the middle of a busy time. If your life is—or if you have allowed your life to be—a whirlwind of activities, then you need to ensure that your relationship is filled with many significant moments. Your partner needs to experience that you truly care about them. And when you stop in the middle of a whirlwind in order to create a small significant moment, you do give a clear message to that person that you care about them. There are times when presents, flowers and trips are appropriate, but between those times we need many intense Active Listening sessions with our partner, lots of touching and demonstrations of caring. We need many of these short moments to get and keep a relationship healthy. Your partner needs to experience you reaching out to them, that you truly care about them, and when you stop in the middle of a whirlwind—your life—and create a significant moment, you give them a clear message of caring. Two minutes well spent can save a life—the life of a relationship. Doing things for others when it is inconvenient for you will get you many more strokes than when it is easy for you! It will be seen as a sacrifice and will have a higher stroke value.