You are here

Newsletter Vol. # 21 That's how I see it!

Hello and welcome to this week's newsletter

What you'll find in this weeks newsletter: an article on Wellness; some quotes from Gabore Mate's book, Scattered Minds; Virgina Satir on Self-Esteem; what is friendship? Two Tough Questions; communication-Just Listen; and Reader Response.

Wellness-It's a Choice                

The concept of wellness had its' origins in the United States several decades ago. A fundamental belief of this movement is that for each of us to become the most we can be requires a conscious commitment to making healthy choices in all aspects of our lives. By the deliberate act of making positive choices relating to the physical, emotional, intellectual, social, and spiritual elements of our being, we move towards self-actualization. In addition, there is a need to maintain balance and harmony within our own personal environment. Therefore, attention to the development and maintenance of all these facets of the individual is essential to good health. This appears to be the essence of the philosophy of wellness.

This philosophy of health and well-being may seem somewhat out of place and unrealistic in today's fast paced, over worked, and driven society. People talk as if they were not in charge of their lives and choose to be driven by the "should" and "have-to" of other people's expectations. They make it sound as if they had no choice in how they live their lives. However, ultimately we all have a choice! Daily we choose what we eat, how much we eat, how we spend our time either challenging our intellect, our awareness and expression for feelings, or by going brain dead in front of the television; we choose whether or not to exercise, to get enough sleep, to search for the truth and meaning in our lives or to just 'veg' out. Sometimes we choose to leave (or stay in) an unfulfilling job when it provides us with little joy or satisfaction. The same goes for relationships, we may end up unfulfilled lonely, dissatisfied and distant--- but we do have a choice!

Inevitably our choices have consequences! If life feels more of a drag than a joy, perhaps the reason has something to do with the decisions we've made? Being healthy, energetic, and alive is the result of making positive healthy choices. To live a committed wellness lifestyle means to grow in the awareness of the choices we have, then make the best decisions we can at that time, based on the information we have. We need to learn from our decisions, we need to be flexible and open to change, and we need to accept the consequences of our decisions. To be well, or to be 'into wellness' means that the majority of the decisions are positive and constructive and result in more satisfaction, ease in living, joy, and improved health both for self and for those around us.

Each of us is responsible for our own well-being! We also have the responsibility to encourage others we care about to take care of themselves. However, personal well-being ought to be the priority for all of us. In order for us to be positive and supportive of others, we need to first have our own house in order. Hans Selye', a noted researcher and author, suggests that the reason we need to take such good care of ourselves is so we can invest our improved health and vitality back into other people.

                     Take care of yourself first,
                     Then take care of others!

Wellness is a choice! It is not free! It takes time and energy to be healthy and well. Are you willing to pay that price?

D. Rosin author of "Finding Balance: 101 concepts for taking better care of self".
Email - Website:

Gabor Mate, Scattered Minds sayings:

Carl Rogers - "So our growth together into a satisfying relationship for ourselves, has constituted no guarantee for our children. Children are a great incentive and impetus for parents to learn about themselves, each other and about life itself. Unfortunately, much of the learning may occur at their expense."

"Couples choose each other with an unerring instinct for finding the very person who will exactly match their own level of unconscious anxieties and mirror their own dysfunctions, and will trigger for them all their unresolved emotional pain."

In regards to marriage, children, and "Could we have done things better?" Gabor states, "Everything that happened had to happen, given what we knew, who we were, and what we each brought to the marriage. We did the best we could."

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


Integrity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, love-all flow easily the person
with high self-esteem. He feels that he matters, that the world is a better
place because he is here. He has faith in his own competence. He is able to
ask others for help, but he believes he can make his own decisions and he is
his own best resource. his own words, he is ready to see and respect the
worth of others. He radiates trust and hope. He doesn't have rules against
anything he feels. He accepts all of himself as human.

Low self-esteem people, because they feel they have little worth, they expect
to be treated, stepped on, depreciated by others. Expecting the worst, they
invited and usually get. To defend themselves, they hide behind all stress
and sink into the terrible human state of loneliness and isolation plus
separated from other people they become apathetic, indifferent toward
themselves and those around them. It is hard for them to see, hear, or think
clearly, and therefore they are more prone to step on and depreciate others.

When the perennially low self-esteem person experiences defeats-the kind
that would make even a vital person feel low-he feels desperate. How can
such a worthless person as he cope with such troubles?-he asks himself. It is
not surprising that occasionally a low self-esteem person under
overwhelming pressure will resort to drugs or suicide or murder.
Peoplemaking Virginia Satir

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.


A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself,
he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.

Two Tough Questions
 Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant,
Who had 8 kids already,
Three who were deaf,
Two who were blind,
One mentally retarded,
And she had syphilis,
Would you recommend that she undergoes an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts..
Here are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A:
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.
He's had two mistresses.
He also chain smokes
And drinks 8 to 10 Martinis a day.
Candidate B:
He was kicked out of office twice,
Sleeps until noon,
Used opium in college
And drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C:
He is a decorated war hero,
He's a vegetarian,
Doesn't smoke,
Drinks an occasional beer
And never committed adultery.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first ... No peeking, and then scroll down for the response.
Just listen!         ( Communication 101)

When I asked you to listen to me and you start giving advice, you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that, you are trampling on my feelings

When I ask you to listen to me and you'll feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do-just here me.

Advice is cheap-you can get all you want from the advice column in any newspaper.

I can do for myself. I'm not helpless. May be discouraged and faltering but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational ceilings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

So Please Listen And Just Hear Me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn, and I'll listen to you.


Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

 And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
 If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it?
Makes a person think before judging someone. (Thanks Pat)

Reader Response

One of the agendas of the student debt system may be the hidden agenda of keeping new grads from being too radical in their new work places?
You have debts to pay, no rocking the boat. The issue of new grads not finding jobs is not one that I am hearing. Maybe it is a problem in particular programs and faculties?

The issue of chronic pain continues to perplex doctors and the general public.  I suffered for years particularly during holidays. Other chronic health issues were resolved in the following manner.   Consult the work for Dr. John E. Sarno and his research and treatment of TMS, tension myositis syndrome. When you visit the doctor, his/her question should not be, "Where does it hurt?". It should be, "What's eating you?" Some gems that synthesize this approach include, "The mind is the controller", and "The subconscious never forgets".   Ed

Enough already-grandkids on their way and I havent had breakfast.
Stay tuned for a remarkable book give away-that means free. Details in future newsletters.
Have a great week!