You are here

Newsletter Vol. # 23 That's how I see it!

Hello and welcome to this week's newsletter

What you'll find in this weeks newsletter: lets fool around with Infidelity; quotes from Warren Buffet, Groucho Marx, Will Rogers, and Norman Vincent Peale; what are Migrane Headaches? Walking info; Old Age antidotes; Obesity in the Middle East-quite a problem; Did You Know?


You want to forgive your partner/spouse and move on with your life, but your terrified that he/she might do it again. The person might be lying to you (still/again) and you don't know what to do.

How do you know whether or not your partner is still cheating?
How do you know you can ever trust him/her again when you have already been betrayed?
How do you know it is safe to move on in your relationship and life again?

              You can't know for sure he/she isn't cheating again.

There is no way to be certain that your partner won't cheat again. There are no guarantees! However, just because it is possible doesn't mean it's probable. In my many years as a counsellor, I have seen people recover from affairs and build even stronger relationships. I have also seen people suffer through multiple affairs. Simply, there is no way to be certain.

Dr. Frank Gunzburg suggests a few things that might make future affairs less likely to occur:
- The Victim needs to communicate clearly the extent of his/her pain
- The Cheater needs to take full responsibility for his/her actions
- Through discussion the cheater understands how the affair happened and how to keep it from happening again.

It must be clearly understood, there is absolutely no excuse, no good reason, and no rationale for having an affair. No matter how poor the relationship was before the affair, it does not justify choosing to have an affair. There are many other options other than having an affair. An affair is a choice, a really poor choice (anytime) but especially if the relationship is already fragile.

Although the affair is entirely the cheaters fault, setting things straight in your relationship will take conscious work by both partners. If you want to save your marriage and make it less likely to have repeat affairs, your goal needs to be to make your relationship better than it ever was. Having things go back to "normal" is not an option.

Perhaps setting stricter standards for how you and your partner behave around the opposite sex (in person, email, texting, phone, post, or internet).
However, you can't prevent a Cheater from cheating.

The Cheater does need to do some individual work on him/herself. It is said that, "If you have an affair, you have a character flaw." Maybe so, but the flaw doesn't have to be a life sentence.

Perhaps with work in the following areas, the flaw can be shored up? Be totally honest and transparent with your partner; make a sincere apology that is received and understood; be sure your partner knows you understand their pain; be clear on how the affair happened; and make the choice that nothing even remotely like an affair ever happens again.

There are no guarantees but maybe worth the effort!


Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in
them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a
billion dollars.                                              Warren Buffett

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike nearly
everything, money is handy.                          Groucho Marx

Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want,

to impress people they don't like.                     Will Rogers 

Empty pockets never held anyone back.
Only empty heads and empty hearts can do that.
                                                                   Norman Vincent Peale

Migraine Headaches

I don't know a great deal about migraine headaches. So when I came across an article on migraines, I selected a number of paragraphs that spoke to me. The entire article is entitled, "Your Brain on Migraine" by Helen Phillips and can be found in the March 7, 2015 copy of the NewScientist.

Migraine is often thought of as an occasional severe headache, sometimes accompanied by strange visual effects and nausea. There's a feeling it isn't really serious because once the headache is over the person goes back to normal. But these bizarre and disturbing aura symptoms alone should tell us there's far more to migraine than meets the eye. Over the past decade, research has been building a picture of a condition which is much more serious than many give it credit for. It shows that migraine is caused by real structural and functional differences in the brain, and that people who experience migraines feel, see, touch, hear and respond to the world differently all the time, not just during an attack. Perhaps more worrying, the disorder, and the brain changes that accompany it, seem to be progressive, getting worse with each attack. "Migraine is a more serious condition land people have thought," says David Borsook of Harvard medical school in Boston. "These repetitive strikes change brain networks, and we are just beginning to understand those."

More than 37 million people in the US alone experience migraine, although an estimated 50% of sufferers, also known as migraineurs, go undiagnosed. Given these recent findings then, it's time to rethink how we tackle, diagnose and treat the condition. "We need to stop calling migraine a vascular disease or a pain condition," says migraine expert Peter Goadspy, "It is a neurological disorder."

Although migraine is a result of abnormal brain activity, the causes are still unclear. Around 70 per cent of people report migraines have a family history of the condition, but because of misdiagnoses, family history may remain hidden.

Migraine attacks usually involve intense, one-sided throbbing head pain. They are also generally accompanied by other symptoms, ranging from nausea and sickness to sensitivity to light, sound and smells. There may be nasal congestion, tears and sweating. Sometimes there is tingling in flames, even one-sided paralysis and slurred speech, so occasionally it looks almost like a stroke. And around 20 per second of people who suffer from migraines get the strange visual or auditory hallucinations known as aura. Because the symptoms of migraine are so broad, it is often misunderstood and misdiagnosed.

One unique feature of migraine is the way it appears to be "trigger" by something environmental. Common triggers are said to include red wine, chocolate, flashing lights, hormonal changes, sleep disruption, and stress. However, quite often the things that get reported as triggers may not always be to blame. One recent study on people believe their migraines were triggered by flashing lights, the researchers failed to trigger a single attack in the lab using all manner of annoying lighting and strobes. Instead, it could be said that the trigger itself does not cause the attack, but that people are more susceptible to disease stimuli once a migraine underway, and are therefore more likely to notice.

There is much more in the article by Helen Phillips and I encourage you, if you're interested in this topic to read further.

Walking and Cognitive Functioning

Walking at an easy pace for at least two hours a week preserves cognitive function in older women and may decrease mental decline, according to a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association. Even more exercise is better: "For older women who walked at least six hours a week, their cognitive function was comparable to women several years younger," says Jennifer Weuve, a research fellow at the Harvard school of Public health, in Boston, and lead author of the study. "This is one of the first studies to explore the link between walking and cognitive function. We should encourage older adults to get up and get moving!"

Old Age

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!!!

I don't have grey hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.

I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!

My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

Obesity In The Middle East

Saudi Arabia and Qatar are among the fattest countries in the world, even worse than the United States. But the grand daddy of all countries for obesity is Kuwait.

This small but extremely wealthy nation of fewer than three million has an obesity rate for men at 36 per cent, for woman 48 per cent according to the International Association for the Study of Obesity. Canada's obesity rate is 24 per cent for men, and 27 per cent for woman.

The people of Kuwait do little physical exercise. There oil rich country allows them to have an extremely decadent lifestyle with a culture of eating and luxurious cars to drive them everywhere.

The young people are constantly bombarded by endless fast food options and a constant array of sugared drinks that they can afford. Childhood obesity is more than 45 per cent in Kuwait.

Temperatures that often eclipse 45 degrees C limit exercise. As well, exercise is not really a cultural priority in Arab countries, especially not for woman. Woman aren't allowed to drive, and there are few gym facilities for woman - they are pretty much combined to their homes

I believe there is a parallel here with Canada. The biggest health problem in Arab countries as it is in our northern communities, is Diabetes. Approximately one in five have the disease, which is blamed for more then 18,000 deaths in five Arab countries, including Kuwait.

Apparently the saying, "More money, more problems" has merit when applied to health and obesity in the wealthy Arab countries.

Did you know?

One in four Winnipeggers had a diagnosed mood or anxiety disorder over the past five year.

In golf: I shot my age - and then some; I am what you call a consistently inconsistent golfer.

This week the weather has been great! So lets follow it up with 2 months of great days and soon it will be Christmas. (I can say Christmas but I can't bring myself to say September). Summer has gone way too fast.

Have a great week!