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Newsletter Vol. # 24 That's how I see it!

Hello and welcome to this week's newsletter

What you'll find in this weeks newsletter: Electronic Cheating; an insight into the Sickness & Wellness Industries; my signature message that I write in my books-Take care of yourself first, then take care of others! A problem in school solved-lipstick on mirrors; what is Tendinitis? Getting Old can be funny; Joan Jack on what aboriginal woman fear most.

Electronic Cheating?

As a couples counsellor I have to say I am not much in favour of the latest electronic devices which make it extremely easy to cheat on ones partner. Starting as innocent flirting, on-line affairs can lead to real life affairs.

Sexy texts are much like drugs of pleasure, the more you take them the more you want them. The on-line affair starts with a fantasy, and then there is the "wonder" of what it would be like to be physically with this person. Then there is the planning to make it happen, to make it real. Unfortunately nobody thinks of what will happen if this little plot is discovered. The pain it will cause, the lack of trust that will take years to rebuild, and perhaps even the ending of the present relationship - totally not thought about.

Most people don't purposely start out "flirt texting" or meeting "accidentally" at the hockey game but soon they begin to look forward to the next meeting or text. It's fun and forbidden and after all, human nature is to connect with other humans - yah! It is unfortunate, but with technology, meeting, staying connected, getting intimate and cheating has never been easier. Suddenly without realizing it, more and more of your attention, time, excitement and affections are focused toward your new friend instead of your primary partner. (Sherri Meyers Grantman, "Chatting or Cheating...")

What are the telltale signs of one who is engaging in on-line flirtatious texting? The person may: look guilty; stiffen up when you enter the room, they become terribly protective of their electronic device, and suddenly end conversations when you enter the room. Their behaviour towards you may change as well - more or less intimate, more critical and grouchy.

What to do if your partner is engaging in cyber-sex? Confront him/her with the facts and make sure you have solid facts before opening this can of worms up. The denial if you don't have the facts can make this get very messy and the behaviour can just go more underground in the future.

Depends on the individuals but counselling is often a starting place. Genuine "I am sorry", total openness and honesty and a sledge hammer to the instrument (Blackberry or equivalent) in question. I know it is not the instrument but the user that is at fault but you don't carry a bottle of booze around with you if you want to quit drinking.

(Inspired by Julia McKinnell, MacLean's)


Sickness industry: products and services provided reactively to people with an existing disease, ranging from a common cold to existing cancerous tumours. These products and services seek to either treat the symptom of a disease or eliminate the disease.

Wellness industry: products and services provided proactively to help the people (those without an existing disease) to make them feel even healthier and look better, to slow the effects of aging, or to prevent diseases from developing in the first place.

The sickness business is reactive. Despite its enormous size, people become customers only when they are stricken by and react to a specific condition or illness. No one really wants to be a customer.

The wellness business is proactive. People voluntarily become customers-to feel healthier, to reduce the effects of aging, and to avoid becoming customers of the sickness business. Everyone wants to be a customer of this early stage approach to health.

Take care of yourself first, then take care of others!

In my writing I am constantly encouraging you readers to take good care of yourself as well as extending yourself to help others. So consider yourself reminded! Perhaps this is as good a time as any for you to restore your own energy so that you can continue to help those around you with you and be in balance and possess much enthusiasm. Remember we can't continue to extend ourselves to others without replenishing ourselves.

Plan some activities that will make you smile, unleash your sense of humour. Take a walk, call an old friend, read a book. The important thing is making time for something you enjoy. Rejuvenate yourself think about ways to get more out of life and still be available for those who need your energy.

Lipstick in Schools

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.

She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.


Tennis elbow, swimmers shoulder, and trigger finger-- are just a few names for the common phenomena known as tendinitis/tendinopathy. The term tendinitis can be misleading as it implies inflammation as part of the tendon pain. In some cases, people may have tenosyovitis, where the synovial sheath around the tendon is inflamed. But tendons themselves don't contain many blood vessels, so it's hard for them to get inflamed.

Instead, most people experience tendinopathy as the result of tendon degeneration. With the passage of time, the collagen that makes up the tendon breaks down, causing multiple microscopic tears. Blood circulating in the tendon also decreases with age, limiting its ability to heal these microscopic tears. This degenerative condition is called tendinosis. Most people develop tendinosis to some degree during their lifetime.

Getting Old

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, Stay calm... An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says-she got in the back seat by mistake.
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

Joan Jack

Aboriginal woman fear their own kind the most!

In the fall of 1988, I was in first-year law school at the University of British Columbia. Our criminal law teacher recommended we all go downtown and watch a trial where alcohol was being considered the murder weapon for the first time. There were over 200 of us in first year criminal law. Only my mom and I attended the trial.

Although Gilbert Paul Jordan, a.k.a. "the Boozing Barber," was linked to the deaths of at least 10 women, he was convicted of manslaughter in relation to the death of only one. Evidence at his trial showed all the women he had targeted, hundreds of women, were aboriginal. Fact is, aboriginal women who were alcoholic or down on their luck ended up dead.

That was 1988. I was 28, and had just finished undergrad work, escaped a violent marriage in my early 20s and had survived a teenage rape. In 2011, some 23 years later, I ran for national chief of the Assembly of First Nations as one of eight candidates, one of four indigenous women.

I'm writing this to share my views on sexism in our community and any linkage I see to violence against women in our community and our conspicuous absence as leaders within our communities. Some 90 per cent or so of the chiefs eligible to vote for national chief are men.

In my opinion, there is a link. Aboriginal men kill aboriginal women and girls, rape aboriginal women and girls, beat aboriginal women and girls, and no one is really talking about the moose in our living room.

Having lived through what is generally dismissed as domestic violence in several of my relationships, I've just had enough - that's all. Of course I'm angry non- aboriginal men, primarily white men, are killing our women and girls, too, but I'm more angry we within our communities turn a blind eye to the violence against women right in our own backyards. If you stay home on reserve, you have a good chance of being killed, raped or beaten by a fellow member of your community, likely someone you love deeply, and if you leave home, well, the statistics are showing it is highly likely you, as an aboriginal woman or girl, will fall prey to the vultures that have been out there since contact - beating, raping and killing our women.

Oh my God! Where did that come from? Well, it's our grim truth as aboriginal women, as aboriginal peoples and as Canadians. Boom! It's done. The emperor has no clothes! Just as I've told my young, brown son not to go out with his hoodie up and head down on the streets of Winnipeg.

Why, Mom?
You may get shot by the police, I say.
Oh you're such a drama queen - exaggerating again.
No son - just listen to me, pull your hoodie down - please.
OK, Mom.

Just as I've told my daughter repeatedly, don't go ANYWHERE alone and never leave your drink unattended (good advice for any woman really), our reality as indigenous parents is sad and terrifying.

1 don't want to hear about this anymore. What is the solution? Well, you tell me, what have you taught your children about the indigenous peoples within Canada, or about being an indigenous person?

We all must take responsibility to educate ourselves and not teach our children about the Bering Strait and how we apparently migrated here, but about how we are the indigenous peoples of this land. It is not our culture for our men to beat, rape and kill each other. Being drunk or high is no excuse. Sober up. Reach for help. Deal with your crap! I'm dealing with mine and have reached for the help I need. That is our tradition.

As for Canadians in general, ask yourself if you think there is a link between the violence we suffer as indigenous women and girls and our clear lack of political power. Inform yourself. Read a few books. Take responsibility and stop saying, "1 don't know what to do"! The Supreme Court of Canada has said, "We are all here to stay." I say we're hurting together and we have to heal together if we are to have peace in our land. I stand for my children.

Joan Jack is a lawyer from Berens River First Nation who ran for the leadership of the Assembly of First Nations

I am off to Minneapolis, so no newsletter next weekend.
Have a great week!