You are here

Newsletter Vol. # 43 That's how I see it!

Hello and welcome to this week's newsletter.

What you will find in this weeks newsletter: How To Make New Friends When Your Older; are energy drinks getting a bad rap? Get the Kleenex ready, here is a tearjerker-It's What You Scatter; and Reader Response

Tough break, Shirley. I believe we have a flat tire on your side of the car.

Making New Friends With Less Stress: The Value Of Acquaintances

If you want more friends in your life, stop looking for them! Making new friends can be a real problem . I often have the question posed to me during counselling: "How do I make new friends now that I am in my 50s?" I generally find that these clients have had the same difficulties in their 40s, 30s and 20s.

However, the question of "why" this has been a problem throughout their lives is not necessarily the focus. The fact is they have this difficulty, and that's that! What they can do to make new friends is the issue. But when they ask me how to make friends, I sheepishly tell them, "I am not really sure of the best one but...."

What I believe is "the best place to start making a friend is with the decision to stop looking to make one." It is said to be paradoxical when the harder you try, the less you get! This paradox factor will certainly interfere with the process of making someone a friend, so stop trying so hard and let it happen.

If you want a relationship to work, stop being so afraid to lose it and laugh more. I think it is best to simply focus on an activity and have fun with the people - acquaintances - we meet at these activities. Stop being so serious, and stop making such a concerted effort to make a lot of friends.

I believe a person is very fortunate to have one or two really good friends in life. So stop at one or two friends and have several acquaintances. I believe you will have a lot more fun! Remember, if you want to develop more relationships: Choose activities/events that you enjoy and hook up with like-minded people who choose the same activities.

Is the same true for an intimate interpersonal relationship? Can paradox be an issue? Can it be that the harder you try to make it work, the less likely it will work? I believe that to be true.

In my line of work, and based on what I have heard from the people I see, I would say that relationships are often a huge hassle in people's lives. Of course, people only come to see me when they have relationship problems, so I may be getting biased perceptions! However, in general, it seems to me that acquaintances make more sense, are less painful and can be a lot more fun!!

Despite what I say or what makes sense, the human animal will always keep trying to connect with others and make their special relationships work-sometimes at great personal cost. Sometimes when we are in a relationship we change and become needier. It seems the lower the person's self esteem, the greater the fear of losing who they are in the relationship. We change. We are desperate to make the relationship work. We become controlling. We are less relaxed and more serious and we end up being and having less fun. The experience creates almost the total opposite feeling of what drew you into the relationship in the first place and often ends in the dissolution of the relationship.          dan

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius:
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .


"All the buzz" leaves the impression that energy drinks are in a regulatory or food- safety Wild West. This is not the case. Energy drinks are strictly regulated both in terms of their size, labelling, and their caffeine content. A cup of takeout coffee has approximately twice the caffeine (179 mg in 237 ml) as a similar-sized energy drink (50 mg in 250 ml). Energy drinks in Canada, very simply, have less caffeine than other more common and less regulated beverages. It is also false that "energy drinks may be more potent than their labels suggest." The levels of vitamins and nutrients in energy drinks in Canada are within the parameters set by the federal regulator responsible for safety of the Canadian food supply. Additionally, beverage labels clearly note the calories, sugar content and total caffeine from all sources (including Guarana), as well as other nutrient information including vitamins and minerals. To imply that our industry, or Health Canada for that matter, would allow the promotion of dishonest labelling is patently untrue. It is also important to note that Taurine is an amino acid, not a stimulant. The safety of energy drinks has been established by the world's leading health authorities, who have analyzed the safety of energy drinks for a number of years and have concluded that no restrictions on the products are merited.

Jim Goetz, President, Canadian Beverage Association, Toronto

Just after school started, I was asked by my daughter's teacher to write a note describing my child. Soon I had a letter composed explaining how wonderfully exceptional she was. I read my comments to my husband for his opinion. When I finished, he said: Sounds good when do we get her?

So you'd like a tearjerker would you?

It's What You Scatter

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes... I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily appraising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

'Hello Barry, how are you today?' 'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'  'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?' 'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.' 'Good. Anything I can help you with?' 'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.' 'Would you like to take some home?' asked Mr. Miller. 'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'' All I got's my prize marble here.'
'Is that right? Let me see it', said Miller. 'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.''I can see that. Hmm mmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost. ''Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble'. Mr. Miller told the boy. 'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile she said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community, all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.
When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man. A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one. Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died. They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them. Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.

Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking. They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket. Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket. Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one; each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket. Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles. With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket. 'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.  They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about colour or size....they came to pay their debt.'

'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho ...' With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

          We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.

Reader Response

This is something I have seen many times. Disposable Plastic Water Bottles: When refilling plastic water bottles never place the spout of a water dispenser/cooler inside the narrow neck of the bottle.  Hold the bottle at least 11/2 - 2 inches (3.81-5.08cm.) from the water dispenser spout. This is to decrease the chance of contamination of the dispenser/cooler.

If you have any golf and/or wellness/fitness jokes please forward them to me. In fact, why not send me your favourite joke- we could use some more laughs around this joint. Please share the newsletter--it's really ok that you do.

Have a wonderful week; after all, you're in charge of it!