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Concepts - mid-week (Dan Rosin) #2


I have been an educator, counsellor, and therapist in Manitoba for more than 50 years. Throughout my career I have worked with a great many stressed and burned out people from all walks of life, helping them understand how their choices effect their stress and personal wellness . Finding Balance: 101 concepts for taking better care of self  was written for those individuals who wish to maintain more positive control over their lives.

Over the years, I have penned many articles on the subject and have conducted numerous workshops, speaking to thousands of people on the effects of stress, the promotion of wellness, the development of in-house prevention teams - all to encourage people to take better care of themselves.

The book is a collection of short stories, insights, and concepts designed to help readers develop healthier attitudes toward life and work, relationships, and the achievement of well-being.    

I would like all of you to have a copy of this to read it with your health and the health of your relationships mind. Yes I know that it sounds like I am trying to garner more sales of the book, and that's okay, but I truly believe from the comments I have received from people who have read the book that there is much benefit to be derived from reading it. (See testimonials:  under Site Navigation)

Her is another concept from the book:

                                              P + P = P

Often when I talk about the necessity of balance in a person's life, I refer to the concepts of Patience, Pace, and Protection.

People are getting sick at an alarming rate because they are out of balance. They need to make changes so they can get healthy. They need
to figure out how to "have a life" and do their job, to establish time and energy boundaries. Hopefully, it will not be too late, and will be before
they get sick. This decision to take care of self is integrally woven with self-esteem, self-worth, and permission to be in balance and to set boundaries.

The reality is that you can establish or commit to being in balance and set both energy and time boundaries, and you will be different! However, the people around you will still be the same, expecting you to continue being nice, extremely helpful, and the no-waves-at-all-costs person you have always been.

Patience is about dealing with other people's expectations for you. People in your life (friends, colleagues, clients, family, neighbors) will continue to want a piece of your time and energy. Just because they expect that from you is not a reason for you to continue meeting their
expectations or to get frustrated and angry with them, and end up harming yourself. When you get angry, there is internal cell damageand it takes seconds off your life each time.

Rather than undisciplined anger, the healthier way to deal with their expectations is with patience. Thank them for thinking of you, for wanting you, for valuing you. However, having thought it out, your final response might be something like, "Despite what you want from me, this is what I'm prepared to do."

They won't necessarily like your decision and will attempt to change your mind, usually through guilt and intimidation. So be persistent. You will have to really believe you're worthwhile, and that you areentitled to a life. It won't be easy, but people are trainable.

Pacing, as I mean and apply the word, is to change the speed at which you live, to stay at a lower gear especially when others around you are getting hyper. We accelerate and hardly even notice the speed at which we lead our daily lives. Is this sped-up life part of the stress syndrome that is referred to in the literature? You bet!

To help people realize they are sped up, and then to get them to purposely slow down for health reasons, I use the hypnotic voice technique with my clients. I learned about my hypnotic voice from my intuitive daughter, Lisa, who, when she was a teenager, would accuse me of using my counselling voice. This later became my hypnotic voice, particularly when she got upset and we were attempting to have a discussion. Apparently, when having a vigorous discussion or an all-out argument with a teenager, you are not supposed to lower your voice, talk slower, ask more questions than give answers, or plant positive ideas, because it becomes "...very hard to argue with you, and that's not fair." Although this insight-hypnotic voice-was learned as a result of contact with my teenagers (I also have a son) it applies equally to adults. The prime reason for using your hypnotic voice instead of being angry is that you are calmer and healthier, which means you don't lose seconds off your life that can add up to years over time, and the relationship benefits. Being angry rarely works in a relationship; talking about your anger is more effective.

Another technique that works concurrently with the hypnotic voice to keep your pace healthy is reverse mirror or tedder-todder. Don't rise to the level of an excited person or group. Do the reverse. What that means is if they speed up-you slow down; if they are overly loud-you soften. You
change your voice speed. You slow down your gestures. You ask for time to consider ideas and decisions. You decide the pace at which you want
to go, and don't let others decide for you!

There is a third "P" as a result of having more patience and purposely changing the pace of one's life, and that is protection. A definite way to
protect your health and well-being is to deal patiently with people'sexpectations and establish your own boundaries, while at the same time
consciously changing the pace of your interactions with others.
          For things to be different, you need to be different.

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