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Newsletter Vol. #83 Thats How I See It!

Content: About Men; Abusive Men Pt. 1; The Quiz; "bluelight"; A letter from a loving daughter; Invitation to have a musical House Party

Only a few weeks until Christmas and I don't have any cute Christmas stories/jokes-can you help me out?

In light of what is happening in the entertainment and political world since Harvey W, I thought these articles would be appropriate.

About Men

Men perpetrate over 76% of the violent crime in the US. Worldwide, that statistic is likely much higher.

Men are 10 times more likely than women to commit murder, and nine times more likely to end up in prison. Men commit 99% of the reported rapes and sexual assaults. And boys perpetrate 95% of the violent crimes at the juvenile level.

But this version of masculinity evolved for a particular socially beneficial reason - to protect us from invaders, to protect the town, and to kill bears and stuff. We needed men to produce lots of children because something like half of the kids didn't survive into puberty. We needed them to provide because you never knew when the next horrible winter was around the corner.
And the fact that this form of masculinity came at a cost - both to the men in terms of their own health and mortality, and to society in terms of violence and patriarchal dominance - was discounted. Who cares if men die, suffer, and lose their minds at startling rates? It's simply the price we pay for protection and prosperity (and babies).

The problem is that today, things have changed so much in the past couple centuries that a few things are true now that weren't true before:
1. Traditional masculinity is no longer necessary for a healthy and functioning society. We're not living under constant threat of invasion. Nor are we being attacked regularly by wild animals. Babies survive and, in fact, it's more important these days to consciously plan one's family than to have large families. And women just as easily do much of the work that's necessary for today's economy as it is by men.
2. The costs of traditional masculinity, both on men and on society itself, are likely not worth the benefits anymore.

And this was the hidden cost for their physical, and later political dominance, in human society: Men are taught from a young age to hide from their emotions rather than to engage them.

Men commit suicide at a rate five times that of women while teenage boys commit suicide nine times more often than girls. They are also diagnosed with depression and ADHD at a rate of 4-to-1 to girls the same age. Men make up 2/3 of the homeless population, are more than twice as likely to become alcoholics and are approximately three times more likely to become drug addicts. It's widely documented that men are far less likely to ask for professional help, medical or otherwise, even when experiencing significant health problems or depression.

Men are the victims of the majority of violent crime, but also far less likely to report it for fear of appearing weak. One survey found that 40% of the victims of domestic violence are men, yet they were far less likely to report the violence and far less likely to be taken seriously by police. Men take on more dangerous jobs and are less likely to report any injury suffered at work. Men work far longer hours, take fewer vacations and sick days, and suffer worse symptoms of chronic stress and fatigue. Men even die on the job at a startling rate. In short, most men treat themselves as nothing more than a walking paycheck.

Men take the most dangerous jobs and die while working by a staggering margin.
And, in fact, it's this objectification of their own lives that kills men faster.
Women initiate more than 70% of divorces and separations with the most common cause cited as "emotional neglect" from their husbands. Those divorces also hit men the hardest: recently divorced men are more likely to suffer depression, alcoholism, mental illness and suicide than women are.
Men are so emotionally incompetent without women; getting married is literally the healthiest thing a man can do in his life. One research summary of emotional suppression went as far to say, "emotional restrictiveness is the leading cause of why men die earlier [than women.]"

Married men live longer and score higher on pretty much every quality-of-life metric there is, including happiness and life expectancy. Marriage is apparently so important for men's emotional stability that some sociologists go as far as to state that simply being married can raise a man's life expectancy by almost a decade. Elderly men who are in good marriages have lower rates of heart disease, cancer, Alzheimer's, depression, and stress than elderly single men.

Let me state that more clearly: Not dealing with your emotional baggage can literally kill you or make you go crazy.

For all of our strength and power, we sure do die quickly and fail often. For all of our cunning ambition, we regularly end up miserable, violent, and even suicidal. And for all of our self-sufficiency, we rely on women for our emotional and physical well being to a startling degree.
                                                                                                      Mark Manson

Abusive Men  Pt. 1
This issue of abuse, whether it is with animals, colleagues, children, or
spouses, is beyond my understanding. Is it anger that is behind this action; is
it because your behaviour doesn't match my expectations that I now have
the right to treat you poorly. Just where does this sense of entitlement come
from. Patricia Evans, in her book Verbally Abusive Relationships, explains
abuse from a women's perspective.
This can happen to any woman, with any family background or career,
states Evans. It's happened to psychologists, lawyers, doctors, teachers, web
designers- even the director of a woman's shelter. A woman falls into the
trap because the abuse takes her by surprise. He isn't abusive while he's
courting you, but once he gets you, he switches- and you have no idea why.
It surprises me that abuse is so broadly across the social spectrum- it's not just a
condition of poverty. What further surprises me is Evans' claim that up to
85% of women have been in at least one relationship of this nature. It seems
we have a great many screwed up males who have control and intimacy
issues. Their abusive words and physical violence do more than break
bones; they break spirit and cripple confidence--you start to doubt yourself, and
they even make you physically and emotionally ill.
Evans in her new book Controlling People states:
An abuser needs to see you as his dream woman, an extension of himself-
so the real, spontaneous, separate you becomes the enemy. That's why you
get the double message: "I love you JJ", and "You bitch JJ". And that's why
verbal abuse is all about undermining and defining you.
So just how does the abuser convince you - a determined, confident and
independent woman, that you're to blame for his anger? Evans explains:
-- The abuse only happens when you're alone with him. Friends and
co-workers might think he's a prince, so you doubt your own perceptions or
believe his anger might be your fault.
-- Verbal abuse escalates gradually; you adapt. He's Jekyll and Hyde with
just enough sweet times to keep you hoping the relationship will improve.
--You strain to make sense of what he says. But it's nonsense, designed to
confuse and cow you. The shocking truth is he seeks control not intimacy.

So then, how do you save yourself, Evans suggests:

* Recognize that the abuse has nothing to do with you or your actions or
* Stop trying to explain and defend yourself. Instead start setting limits: "Cut
that out!" or "I don't want to hear that."
* Listen carefully to your feelings. Believe them, not him.
* Get support from a counsellor or therapist. Make sure that person
understands this isn't just a "conflict" or an "argument ".
* Keep in mind that an abuser might be able to change if he really wants
to- but you can't change him. You can however, honour and nurture yourself.

See next week's newsletter-Pt. 2 for the answer to the question, "How do
you know you're in an abusive relationship?"

The Quiz

The initial route of the Orient express in 1883 was between which two cities?

In the world of medicine and health, an Ambler grid is used for examining which part of the body?

How many tiles are there in a standard game of Scrabble?

Speleology is the scientific study or exploration of what?

What European automobile manufacturer owns the brand Chrysler, Dodge, Ferrari, and Maserati?

What fashion item, which debuted in 1946, was originally called "the atom" by its French designer Jacques Heim?

Who are the only two characters portrayed by the same actors in all six Star Wars films?                         

Answers below


"bluelight" is 5-piece band that plays jazz & vocal standards from the 30's-80's.  We are professional musicians who have played individually for 40+ years in the entertainment industry. "bluelight" has been together for 8 years.

Our repertoire consists mostly of jazz and contemporary, the "American Songbook"- Cole Porter, Rogers & Hart, Jerome Kern, George Gershwin, Sammy Cahn, Errol Garner, Beatles, Jobim and others that can be listened and/or danced to.

Members of the group include Barry Dunford, Al Popowich, Randy Joyce, Bob Parker and Dan Rosin. Although most of our music is quite recognizable, there is a distinct "bluelight" stamp with each arrangement we do. 

Our goals are: to create unique musical arrangements that bring enjoyment to our audience and to have fun.


A Letter from a loving daughter along with a response from her loving dad.

I am coming home to get married soon, so get out your cheque book. 
I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. As you know, I am in Australia...and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype, and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.
My beloved and favourite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes, and a really big wedding."
Lots of love and thanks, your favourite daughter,
My Dear Lilly, 
Like Wow! Really? Cool!
Whatever... I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon, and pay for it all through Paypal. And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay.

Your Dad


Would you like to host a "bluelight" In-House Concert?

(Sample Letter)


You are invited to the "bluelight"  In-House Concert Series.
The concert will take place:
at _____________________________on __________________________at the home of ______________________________.The doors will be open at 7:00p.m. The cost will be $15, (3 dollars from each person's entry fee will go to _____________________(Charity). You are asked to please bring your own beverages. A snack will be served at intermission. Our living room is limited to _____people so you must book in advance by calling
204-________________ before_____________. This concert is by invitation only. Looking forward to your presence at this relaxing evening of beautiful music!"

Musically Yours,


One email to 30-40 of your friends and you have a unique evening without ever leaving your home. Interested? Call Dan -204- 299-9399

Answers: Paris and Istanbul; The eyes; 100; Caves; Fiat; The bikini; C-3PO and R2-D2

Remember the Christmas stories and jokes - please

Have a great week!