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Newsletter Vol. #103

I would like to make the newsletter, "That's How I See It!" and my website more friendly, so I would appreciate if you would take the time to assess both or just one of the newsletter and/or website, (www.drcounselling.com).

Please point out any inconsistencies. Are you able to find what you're looking for? Is it readable, presentable, and interesting? Anything you might suggest that would make the newsletter and/or my website better would be appreciated!
danrosin@drcounselling.com


Out of the mouths of babes.....
Teacher: How old is your father?
Kid: He is 6 years old.
Teacher: What? How is that possible?
Kid: He became a father only when I was born.
Logic!!
Children Are Quick and Always Speak Their Minds.
_____________________
TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:        Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct.  Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:        Maria.
_____________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:      K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong.
GLENN:      Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. 
(I Love this child!)


RE-decision Pt. 3

This series deals with the impact that early negative childhood messages/experiences have on our adult lives. We are driven by these unhealthy messages and if we don't become aware of them, they will direct our adult behaviours. Remember though, we can re-decide on these messages and live a fuller and healthier life.  Dan

Remember/continuity from Pt. 2

The early years' influential messages instructed us in both what we should and should not do and although each of us has unique interpretations, a number of common do's and don'ts that create stress have been identified.

Pt. 3

Do's
The messages from which we decided what we should do or be can be
subsumed under six general messages which, on the surface, appear to be healthy,
but when accepted wholeheartedly and operated on without question, they become unhealthy messages which seem to drive us.

1. Little people are often a step behind while judgemental eyes watch; they hear
 "Run upstairs and fetch...", or "I could do it faster myself". They
may observe everyone appears to be in a rush most of the time. In later life
persons driven by "HURRY UP" can never relax; they feel pressured for time,
experience being harried and overextended, and feel, "There is never enough
time." Their basic approach to stress reduction is to get themselves and
others to go faster.

2. Feeding oneself, learning to tie shoe laces, and mastering the skill of
riding a bicycle all take repeated effort, and success often results from
consistent encouragement to try. If encouraged before being developmentally ready
for tasks, the child will be unsuccessful but will continue the attempts because
"trying" receives considerable recognition. Given a strong internalised
message to "TRY HARD", we are susceptible to expending enormous effort on
tasks which may not need to be done, or for which we may not have the
resources or the natural inclination, because we feel quitting is unacceptable--
after all, we did eventually learn to tie our shoe laces! Stress management
tactics for this person include working longer hours and never giving up.

3. Pleasing others starts with gaining the family's full attention when
we exhibit our first smile. Very early in life we discover that certain behaviours
gain more approval than others. Which behaviours are rewarded varies with
the family, perhaps even the child. Being especially helpful or compliant
is a common response to the message "PLEASE OTHERS". The pattern is easily
recognizable in later life. These persons experience anxiety and tension
whenever they anticipate or experience being unable to please, unable to
gain approval.

4. "BE STRONG" is a powerful message inhibiting the expression of feelings.
The individual decides he/she must be stoic, bottling up any intense emotion.
The message is experienced most often by boys -- "Boys don't cry", "Don't be
a sissy". Women are by no means immune to the pressure to "Be Strong".
Particularly in the professional world, emotionalism is unwelcome from either
men or women. The price for being strong can be counted in heart attacks and
stress related diseases.

5. Perfectionists are their own worst enemy. Having adopted the message
"BE PERFECT", they experience stress if they are unable to do something
extremely well. Given the pace, the pressures, and the standards of the Working
World, they are under stress almost constantly. They are bothered by
producing imperfect results that don't meet their internal standards. Making
mistakes is hard! If things are going extremely well, they are often resistant to change -- they do not want their perfect situation disturbed. Often they
also produce stress in others with their demands to "Be Perfect".

6. Being constantly warned as a child to "BE CAREFUL" results in an adult
with a low risk level who is inhibited by fear of all the possible difficulties.
Cautiousness may extend beyond the physical realm into the personal and
professional areas of life. Spontaneity and adventure are curtailed while
potential dangers are assessed. For the sake of feeling secure, these people
forego opportunities that could be exciting. However, their stress level remains high since basically they are afraid of life and tension revolves around keeping their world secure.

References: Bob & Mary Goulding, C. Panati,  Hans Selye


Self-Esteem IQ                                                   

     I must have heard myself say a multitude of times that, "It doesn't matter what the stated problem is, it all comes down to self-esteem!" How one feels about self is reflected in how we treat ourselves, how we process information, our thinking patterns, and how we choose to act.
     Self-Esteem (S-E) is how you actually feel about yourself. S-E goes up or down depending on your individual sense of personal worth and importance. The answer to the question, "How much do you value yourself?" is the level of that person's self-esteem.
     Feeling high S-E means you have learned to accept yourself as an inherently valuable person, regardless of past mistakes, current problems, and not yet having fully achieved your personal goals.
     Low S-E is often the result of unrealistic comparisons, little or no positive attention as an infant, and irrational beliefs about how you "should be" and aren't, and the mis-beliefs about needing to be better. "If I could only be better at 'this' - earn more money, have a bigger house/car - then I would be ok (one's S-E would go up). I wish!
      Unfortunately one's high or low S-E brightens or darkens everything in our life. It influences all emotional responses, moods, and attitudes. Self-Esteem is not a cognitive thought, but rather a deeply held feeling.

Check out your S-E with some 'not so valid', but fun tests off the Internet.
             Goggle - "self-esteem tests"
             There are a number of options.

That's how I see it! Dan

Check out next week's newsletter-My Declaration of Self-Esteem-by Virgina Satir


"It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf"            Robert Lynd


Reader Response

It is a tragic travesty that so great a country has lost all hope for a better future that in their despair they would elect someone like Trump as their leader.

The American people have my sympathy. It is truly unfortunate that so many domestically, and outside their borders, will suffer as a result of their electoral choice.

It is also unfortunate that those like him who suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (as indicated by the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, and the American Association of Psychologists) do not recognize their situation and will refuse all help until they ultimately become totally non-functioning human beings.
We are so blessed to be Canadian.             Wayne


Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.     William Wordsworth


 
Canada Day at the Osborne Street Festival was a lot of fun. We walked around, checked out the food vendors and stalls and there were many. The most fun were the bouncy things and water slides in the park just off Osborne-our grandkids had a blast and then we finished the day off with a B-B-Q. There is no doubt in my mind that Canada is one of the greatest countries in the world. I am very glad to have raised my children and grandchildren here and very proud of Canada even though we have our problems. I hope people from other countries can feel the same about their homeland.


Have a great week and remember to send me your ideas on how to make the newsletter and website better. I know some of you know how to do that very well!

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