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Newsletter Vol. #105

My computer has been down for about two weeks and so just sending #105 to you now.

This will be my last newsletter for a few weeks-going to just slow things down a bit for the summer. Please send me some fresh jokes and your perspective on what is happening in your neighbourhood/country/world (Reader Response). How about writing a book review of your summer reading project, or a review of "Communication & Relationships". You could fill us in on that holiday you took, how wonderful it was or wasn't or the close call you observed/experienced.

Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.  

He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked, 'Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?'
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.  'Well, Hunter, it's called sexual intercourse.'  'Oh,' little Hunter said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse.  It's called Bunk Beds.  And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

Missed Pts. 1-4? Go to and see Newsletters #101-104.

Re-decision Pt. 5

We are driven by these unhealthy messages and if we don't become aware
of them, they will direct our adult behaviours. Remember though, we can
re-decide on these messages and live a fuller and healthier life.  Dan

In the previous newsletters in this series on re-decision we have examined those messages that drive us- the Do's and Don'ts of how to make it in life. In today's newsletter we will examine the possibility that by re-deciding on some of these old and antiquated messages that we received in our early life, we can re-decide on a better life for ourselves.

New Decisions
Each unhealthy message can be exchanged for a new decision, which if acted on repeatedly, will displace the stress of the one previously held.
Experiment: Review the early decisions discussed in the paper and listed below. Read the alternative decisions or new permissions and consider which ones you feel a need for in your life. Begin to consider the re-decisions you will make.

Early Decisions                                                     New Decisions

Hurry up                                                                It's ok to take your time
 Try hard                                                          It's okay to give up

Be strong                                                              It's okay to be weak at times
Be perfect                                                             It's okay to do things imperfectly
                                                                                   at times
Be careful                                                             It's okay to take risks
Don't be                                                                I have a right to be here
Don't be you                                                         It's okay for me to be myself
Don't be a child                                                    It's okay to be childlike
Don't grow up                                                       It's okay to grow up and take 
                                                                                    responsibility for myself
Don't make it                                                        It's okay to be successful
Don't be important                                               It's okay to be important
Don't have needs                                                  It's okay to have needs
Don't be well                                                        It's okay to be well
Don't belong                                                         It's okay to belong   
Don't get close                                                     It's okay to be close
Don't trust                                                            It's okay to trust people
Don't love                                                            It's okay to love
Don't feel                                                             It's okay to feel
Don't express feelings                                         It's okay to express feelings
Don't think                                                           It's okay to think



It's exciting to be human! Being human implies the ability to change.
I'm no longer a small child dependent on big people for recognition and
structure in my life. I can reassess those early decisions, which underlie
the stress I experience. By confronting the foundation decisions which guide
my actions, I can truly take charge of my life. Instead of going faster
and trying harder in order to meet my needs I am selecting new decisions
on which to base my life. Initially these feel foreign. Initially it is
difficult to take the risk of operating differently. Changing at this level
often feels radical. After having reached peak efficiency with my life and
still experiencing stress, perhaps a radical change is necessary. Well
known expert on stress, Hans Selye, says, " ... too many people suffer
all their lives because they are too conservative to risk a radical change."

References: Bob & Mary Goulding, C. Panati, Hans Selye,
What do you say/feel about changing, so that your life can be a great deal less stressful?
Which Early Decisions do you need to work on most?

Which New Decisions excite you the most in terms of the impact that the
change will have on your life, on your stress level?

Have you been on a cruise lately? These are the 10 most asked questions that guests ask crewmembers. All I can say is, "Really?"
10. Does the ship generate it's own electricity?
9. Do these elevators go to the front of the ship?
8 Passing the Sports Bar - Is the TV reception satellite or
7 Is that the same Moon we see at home?
6. What do you do with the ice carvings after they melt?
5. Where is the bus for the walking tour?
4. Is that island over there surrounded by water?
3. What religion are those people with the patches behind
their ears?
2. How do I know which photos in the Photo Gallery are mine?
1. Does the crew sleep onboard?

Recently I spoke with a person who had attended one of my workshops years
ago. She shared three things that particularly stuck with her in regards to that workshop and wellness in general.
Firstly, there needs to be a separation of work life and home life. She was
impressed by the word "compartmentalize", a word that turns some people off.
In her mind it made good sense to be totally at work in mind and body when she was at work, and to be totally at home when at home. I call this" 100% Itis".
She said she really loved the idea that we could use a symbol as we moved
from one part/compartment of our life to another. For example when leaving work, putting on our jaunty hat or fancy scarf, putting on a piece of music in our car, or turning the lights off in the office at the end of the workday and using these activities to symbolize the transition from work into Real Life.

She then went on to inform me that wellness doesn't have to be only about exercise and filling up our lives with all kinds of activities. She stated, and I agreed with her, wellness can mean reading a book, taking a bubble bath, getting one's nails done-all are little bits of self-care and when that's all the time we have, they are significant.

 She concluded with the statement, "I have many priorities in my life,
wellness is just one of those priorities."

Reader Response
A while back one of my clients chided me for "still working" at my age (84 this year). My response was, "Work??? I haven't worked in years. It's only work if I'd rather be doing something else."
In that sense, I guess I've hardly ever worked. I've enjoyed pretty much everything I've ever done. Another part of my response was, "I know that if people insisted on coming to you and bringing you money, you wouldn't turn them away; so why should I?"
I particularly appreciate your comments and articles on communication and find them very useful. I recommend to clients to subscribe to your newsletter and also,to buy your books.
Here's to a GREAT SUMMER; even if the summer weather we had those few days seems to have taken a SPRING BREAK for the time being. Our little garden plot needed the rain.
Be well, be blest, and know you're loved.

What a good write up about Dr. Sarno.
As a follow-up, you might include the titles of the four books that he has written.
I believe this doctor's experience should be mandatory reading for all healthcare professionals as well as everyone in the public.
The concept that disease is based "dis-ease" was deliberately removed from medicine at the beginning of the 20th century and can be documented.
Have a great summer.

MDMA used in the treatment of PTSD

The party drug Ecstasy is being used in clinical trials with people who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The drug will be administered in therapeutic sessions to help them deal with memories they may have found difficult or impossible to confront. Clinical trials are being held in the US and Israel.

The aim is to see if the drug will help people with debilitating symptoms-including re-experiencing trauma flashbacks or nightmares, as well as very high levels of stress-who have not responded to conventional remedies. Typical treatments for PTSD include daily medications, cognitive behavioural therapy, and traditional "talk" therapy. At least a quarter of the people with PTSD do not respond to conventional therapies.

Although still in the trial stage, MDMA seems to have great potential in the treatment of PTSD. A 2011 paper reported that a key three per cent of patients given MDMA experienced a significant reduction in their symptoms, compared to just 25 per cent given standard psychotherapy. The trials have revealed that there is a best way to administer this drug.

MDMA's potential to heal may lie in its molecular makeup. It is a marriage between methamphetamine and mescaline. The stimulant gives people confidence, and the psychedelic allows people to reflect on themselves and their experiences in a different way. The combination helps them confront painful memories.
                                                                                                                        Zoë Cormier

Getting "Teed" Off!
A husband and wife team played golf together every day and the wife was always beating the husband. Tired of this humiliation, the husband decides one day to break his wife's concentration. He goes up to her as she was ready to tee off and says, "Honey, I love you more than anything in the world, that's why I must be honest with you, I have had a mistress for the
15 years we have been married". Of course, that day, the wife could not get a good shot, and lost the game to her husband for the first time in their married life.

The next day, the wife decides it is also time to be true to her husband. As he was ready to tee off she says, "Honey, since you were so true to me yesterday, I feel obliged to do the same. Before we met, I was a man". Well you can imagine the husband's golf that day!

The next morning at the office, the poor husband is broken down and he can't get over what his wife told him. His fellow workers notice his state of mind and ask what's wrong. The husband tells the story, still very troubled by it. "Well", says a co-worker, "Forget about that, you love your wife, you have been happy for 15 years, get over it and go as if she had never told you."

"That's not the point," answers the husband, "She has been teeing off the women's tee for all that time!"

So go get "Teed Off", enjoy your summer, we'll get back to the more serious side of life come the fall.               Dan