You are here

Dr. Dan's Midweek

Midweek Jan. 9/19


 The official launch of “Communication & Relationships" will take place on Wednesday evening, February 27, 2019 at McNally Robinson (specifics to follow). Please mark this date on your calendar!


I will be sending out more specifics about the “Launch", as we get closer to the February date. I will also be sending you specific paragraphs that you can forward to your social media contacts as written, or edit as you see fit.


If you have enjoyed, found useful, been entertained or helped in some small way by the newsletter or by “Communication & Relationships”, please let me know (Reader Response) and forward your comments on to your friends


                       Grant & Wilton Coffee House

1077 Grant Ave.


             Amber Epp


With Special Guests
Gilles Fournier: Bass  / Eric Platz: Percussion / Keith Price: Guitar

Plus   -    "Songs of Eli Herscovitch"


Saturday January 12, 2019
Doors 7:00pm, Concert 7:30pm

Tickets: $17 | Advance $15 at Venue: Weekday Mornings
Tel: (204) 488-0207 | (204) 895-1719

           This young lady is one of Winnipeg's premiere vocalists

Not to be missed!


One of the new additions I have added to my new book “Communication & Relationships” specifically for the launch on Feb. 27 at McNally Robinson Booksellers

"She’s a Keeper"


Start by being a “keeper” yourself.


Stay concerned with what fulfills your partner (see Fulfillment, previous concept). Don’t demand that he/she stop doing what they love doing, that which fulfills them, (music, art restoration, sports, video games - all in moderation of course), to be more available to you. You are important to your partner and vice-versa, but if you demand that their passionate activities be curtailed, you will soon have a resentful partner on your hands.


The young lady sat down and with much anger in her eyes shared with me, “It’s over, my relationship is over.” I sympathized and asked what had made her come to this decision. “Well, he bought a small TV and put it in the basement to watch sports!”


I was thinking, okay, so what’s the problem here, and I asked, “So, what’s the problem here?” Her face showed mild surprise, like it was so obvious, why did I even need to bother to ask. “He’s downstairs watching sports instead of sitting with me upstairs watching ‘our' shows.”


"Our" shows! My mind did a complete flip and heard “my” shows--but I ignored that thought and kept on listening. “In the summer, it’s about the time he spends golfing.” Once again I rushed ahead in my thoughts and because I know guys who do this--3-4 times a week at the golf course, a few beers after the game and it’s 5-6 hours before they get home. She explained, “He goes golfing every Saturday with my dad and a few friends and I just sit at home.” I’m thinking, once a week and with your dad! This guy sounds pretty considerate for a guy.


Then she described the offence that really clarified her decision to leave. “He plays hockey late at night and I’m always sitting at home by myself.” So I am thinking again, maybe he is one of those guys who go drinking and a hockey game breaks out, you know 3-4 times a week. Nope! Once a week, Friday, late game 11 – 12 PM. This guy is a saint and is putting all the rest of us males to shame. Not so in her mind.


I realized as I was talking to this person that perception is what drives the bus. My thoughts are driven by comparisons to what I have experienced previously in my life, what I believe to be true. Her perceptions and beliefs were very different than mine and absolutely correct for her.


My question to her was somewhat along the lines of, “So you see in these times when he is out doing his thing (being fulfilled) as taking time away from you and the relationship?”  “Yes, and this TV in the basement is the final straw!”


I did my best to calmly share what I thought was a “real world" perspective of how we need to do things outside of the relationship, things that bring us pleasure and fulfillment. I’m afraid she wasn’t in any mood to listen. Her session—her perspective!


She was going to change him and have him upstairs on the sofa with her watching “our” shows or the relationship was over. Her idea of her partner being fulfilled was that he would have the same sense of enjoyment from the same activities as she or he “didn’t want a relationship with her very badly!”


Some guys, and I suppose gals as well, do cross the line of “fulfillment” and enter into “selfish” territory-- that being getting their needs met at others’ expense. Of course I don’t advocate this kind of behaviour. However, I did feel this person was selfishly imposing her vision of what she thought the relationship should be on him and I definitely saw big trouble on the horizon for this couple.


I remember telling my friends about how my wife encourages my golfing/music/writing because I love it and it’s good for me. They tell me and it reinforces what I have always known,

        She’s a Keeper