"Notes" #45

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all you of Irish heritage and to those who wish they were!

An Irish blessing

May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two,
May the sun always shine in your window pane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow the rain,
May the hand of a friend be always near you,
May God fill your heart's gladness to cheer you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Change--You Need An Action Plan!

So you would like to change your life? However, change is so difficult! Right?

I understand that you can't just talk about change; you have to actually do something that indicates you're changing. I knew there was a catch!
     -You can't just talk about starting a walking program - you actually need to go walking.
     -You can't just talk about eating better - you need to throw the junk food out and restock the larder.
     -You can't just say you need more sleep - you need to train your body to get more sleep preferably before midnight. (It is said that one hour of sleep before midnight is worth two hours after midnight.)

If you want to change the inside (feelings, emotions),
          you need to change the outside (physical) and vice versa.

You need to establish healthy training rituals and routines. You need to develop emotional, mental, spiritual and physical muscles. You need to actually do all the healthy things you know you ought to be doing!

                   You are what you repetitiously do!

Make an Action Plan that is precise, concrete and doable. Create an environment that supports your Plan. Purchase (and use) the proper equipment, get rid of the junk food, and get the support of your family. Start a journal that will record your actions and help keep you on track. Remember to pace yourself; don't do too much all at once or you will burn out.

It is said that it takes 30-90 days to make a new behaviour a habit. Support from others help reduce the slip-ups, but be prepared to have slip-ups. Change does not happen in a straight line; there are many spikes and valleys. Success will be that in the long run you will have established a Plan and worked that Plan despite not doing it perfectly.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As promised from last weeks "Notes" #44,
Albert Ellis's Irrational Beliefs/Myths

Dr. Albert Ellis, a famous psychologist, says that people get worried and upset because of the way they interpret their distressors. He thinks people can choose to react rationally (reasonably) or irrationally (unreasonably) to a distressor.

And he has identified 12 myths (irrational beliefs) that people commonly cling to even though these beliefs make them unhappy.

You must be loved by everyone and everyone must love everything you do.

You must be intelligent, competent and capable at all times and in everything you do.

Some things in the world are "bad/wrong/evil" and you must be punished severely if you do, see, think or feel them.

The world is over when things don't turn out the way you want them to.

You have no control over your own happiness. Your happiness depends upon what happens to.

Worrying about something "bad" keeps it from happening.

It is easier to run away from problems than it is to deal with them.

You need someone else to depend on. You cannot function independently.

If something "bad" happened in your past, it must affect you forever.

If someone else does not live his/her life in the way you think he/she should, you must do everything you can to change him/her.

There is only one correct answer to any problem and if that answer is not found, the consequences will be terrible.

You can't help feeling the way you do.

Ellis maintains that these myths are impossible, unfair, and stupid expectations for anyone. Once you recognize and accept that you are not perfect you will be able to see yourself in a rational way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reader Responses--"Notes" #44

I look forward to the next newsletter with Ellis's irrational beliefs. It is interesting to note that he was a psychoanalyst who wanted treatment to go faster, and hence he developed his therapy to speed up the process. But the irrational belief concept is based on the underlying schema developed through analytical thinking, as is CBT by the way.
It used to be said that CBT was the therapy of choice, and most efficacious. New research is showing that longer-term work does the most good, which makes sense because it takes a lot of time and work to shift character structure and make real changes.

-----------------------------------

Wow!!! This whole piece really speaks to me. Thank you for doing these!!

------------------------------------

I've learned to explain to kids they are just fine. The ADHD they have is simply the body being wired differently than others. The medication is just a way to help the wiring not be as confused. Showing them squiggly lines vs. straight lines.

-----------------------------------

I never knew what ADHD was until it showed up in my family--daughter and granddaughter. I pray to God no one has to deal with this illness as it destroys people when they try to get help and don't receive it.  All parties involved need support!